Monday, 1 February 2010

Emmerdale: jobs for the boys

Emmerdale is definitely a mixed bag of late. Natasha Wylde is beginning to look even more like Skeletor in a wig and a rubbish Karen Millen black dress bought in the January sales, while Andy Sugden is losing out at Butler's Farm. Standing next to the wholesome Barton menfolk, who could advertise Scott's Porage Oats had they only sparkling white vests to do it in, poor old Andy resembles an oafish, be-hatted dwarf.

He'll never cop off with Maisie Wylde that way. And what happened to the barnets of Beckindale? I know the nearest hairdresser is in Hotten, but the sons of the village are suffering. Thomas King and Will Wylde only have one haircut between them. Although I'll admit that Charity Dingle's flowing tresses are flattering. Cain, of course, has a smart short do. Perhaps he has access to a black market barber...or maybe he asked disgruntled Andy to shear him on the quiet.

Perhaps Andy could extend his farming skills more generally to the village. The humane killer could put an end to the newly-brunette Victoria Sugden (who knew that you could grow out of being ginger?), while a pair of bloodless castrators could have done well to end the bigamous career of Mark "Botox" Wylde.

Unfortunately the mystery killer got there first, so maybe Andy could geld the tight-arsed posh scion of the Wyldes, Nathan, instead. Nathan hasn't actually done anything to offend me, but who'd want a face like that passed on to the next generation? No, Nathan's balls must go, even if Andy has to bite them through with his own teeth. It's a service to the world, I'm telling you.

No comments:

Post a Comment